1 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,741 Hey, Carter. Listen to this. 2 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,710 I'm downstairs, I'm getting my morning bagel, 3 00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:12,446 and Jill from accounting insists on paying for it. 4 00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,582 Oh, I think it's obvious. She likes you, Mike, 5 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:17,585 and until you repay the favor, you're in her debt. 6 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:21,089 Janelle, fax her a cheese Danish. 7 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:24,024 Should I fax these people assorted pastries as well? 8 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,293 Who are all these from? 9 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:26,894 (SCOFFS) Every unattached woman in the building. 10 00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:28,762 Oh, lemme see. 11 00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:32,333 Oh. Wait a second. 12 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,635 Half these women told me they were married. 13 00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:35,803 Hell, 14 00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,839 this one's roommate told me she was dead. 15 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:40,641 JAMES: Mike, you have, like, 16 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,343 30 lunch invites here. 17 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:43,577 Maria from the Hispanic commission 18 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,879 wants you to try that new Cuban place with her. 19 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:49,049 Yoko from the Japanese consulate wants to get sushi. 20 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,151 Lori from the parks department 21 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:53,020 wants to take you out for wild game. 22 00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:56,056 Well, as long as Julie from waste disposal didn't call. 23 00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:58,759 What the hell is going on? 24 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,594 Mike, the word of your breakup is out. 25 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:03,564 You're officially in play. (SCOFFS) 26 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,634 I'm not in play. I'm on the injured reserve list, 27 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,569 six to eight weeks with a broken heart. 28 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,472 Women decide whether you're in play or not. 29 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:12,806 You have nothing to say about it. 30 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,642 I can say I'm not in play. 31 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:17,578 (CHUCKLES) Saying it makes you even more in play. 32 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,449 You're right. That could hurt me. 33 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,984 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 34 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,558 (WOMEN LAUGHING AND CHEERING) 35 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,064 Don't scream. It's just me. 36 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,732 Save your pickup lines. 37 00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,001 Morning, Nikki. Is she decent? 38 00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:43,036 Uh, she's okay. 39 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,574 What are you guys doing here? 40 00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:47,841 Wow. Look at this place. 41 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,743 The opulence... It's like a spa. 42 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,280 I could send my mother here for the winter. 43 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:54,748 We need to talk about our problem with Mike, 44 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,717 and it seemed like the only place he wouldn't find us. 45 00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,252 He's been working us past midnight 46 00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,487 every night this week. 47 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:00,654 There's no crisis going on. 48 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:01,789 I think it's ridiculous. 49 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,957 I mean, you would think... 50 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,194 You would think that Mike would want to go home, 51 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,495 but now that's Ashley's gone, 52 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,197 he's got the whole place to himself. He can... 53 00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:10,398 He can walk around naked. 54 00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:13,201 He can watch SportsCenter. He can eat in bed. 55 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,302 And, in your mind, 56 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,204 he's doing all this naked? 57 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:22,843 Guys, the most important person in Mike's life just left him, okay? 58 00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,011 He's burying himself in his work. 59 00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,813 What more natural way can you imagine for him 60 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:26,980 to deal with his loneliness? 61 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,849 No, no, no. I know how Mike feels. 62 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,751 It is hard to go home to an empty apartment 63 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,287 when you're used to having someone there. 64 00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,488 Who'd you live with, James? 65 00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,056 Well, you know... 66 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:37,958 My parents. 67 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,094 Mike, listen, I'm sorry, 68 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:42,630 but I've gotta leave early tonight. 69 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,665 He's trying to go over the wall. No, no, no, no. 70 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,500 My fan club's having its first meeting tonight, 71 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,568 and they want me there. 72 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,503 (BOTH LAUGH) 73 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,872 Lemme see this. Lemme see this. 74 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,308 Well, it's not Paul's handwriting. 75 00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:55,876 The postmark looks legitimate. 76 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,245 It's either a stunning forgery, 77 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,912 or there are actually people willing to give up 78 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,716 their free time to pay homage to Paul. 79 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,885 That's disturbing, 80 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,420 but I'm gonna have to let you go. 81 00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,722 Thank you. 82 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,658 I know. That guy is a total pig. 83 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,059 I feel like I should wear a sign across my breasts 84 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,027 that says, "I'm up here." (LAUGHS) 85 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,397 So, you're assuming 86 00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,098 he can read. Right. 87 00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,933 Nikki, you're just in time. 88 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,069 And, you, you're late. 89 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,372 Who are you? 90 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,540 Mike, this is Danielle Brinkman. 91 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:27,641 Oh, that's right. You're the... 92 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:28,776 You're the new assistant D.A. 93 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:29,843 DANIELLE: Michael Flaherty. 94 00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:30,911 We went to Fordham together. 95 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,080 We were in the same ethics class. 96 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:34,348 I cut ethics. 97 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,489 Wait, Danielle Brinkman. You're Todd Burskey's girlfriend. 98 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,990 How is Todd? 99 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,025 We broke up eight years ago. 100 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,428 Oh, I'm sorry. 101 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,030 Actually, I'm kind of over it. 102 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,300 Did it take the whole eight years, 103 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,435 'cause I'm on week one, 104 00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:57,538 and I'm nauseous all the time... 105 00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,206 Anyway, good to see you 106 00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:00,674 Mr. Cheated-off- my-ethics-final- 107 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,544 and-didn't-have- the-decency-to-thank-me. 108 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,413 We got a "C." 109 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,617 Thanks a lot. 110 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,654 Mike, I hear you've been burning the midnight oil. 111 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:14,988 Well, sir, I've taken the liberty 112 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,056 of working out a long-term 113 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,359 political plan for you. Uh-huh. 114 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,227 Well, first off, let me say how flattered I am 115 00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:23,564 that you even have me alive in 2060. 116 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,434 Never underestimate science, sir. 117 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,001 Yeah. 118 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:29,970 PAUL: Uh, Mr. Mayor? Yeah. 119 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,872 Listen, I have kind of a special favor to ask you. 120 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:32,973 What's that smell? 121 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,207 Oh, that's my cologne. 122 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,444 It's wonderful. Thank you. 123 00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:37,511 What brand is it? 124 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,347 Seduction. 125 00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:43,050 Hey, Paul, men's fragrances are on the fourth floor. 126 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,986 This is first floor, city government. 127 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,455 What favor you wanted to ask? 128 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:50,057 Sir, there's a meeting of my fan club tonight. 129 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,626 Paul, well, hey. You've got a fan club, huh? 130 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,261 (LAUGHS) Yeah. 131 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,863 Mike, do I have a fan club? 132 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,731 Oh, yes, you do, sir. Oh. 133 00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,367 It's called the city of New York. Oh. 134 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,669 Yeah, well, if you're not too busy, 135 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,103 it would really be a thrill 136 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,506 if everybody could, you know, sort of come by to meet you. 137 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:06,774 I'd love to, Paul. 138 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,241 Oh! No, I'm sorry, I can't. 139 00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,611 I've got to, um... Mike, tell him what. 140 00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,880 Oh, you know, well, you can't, sir. He can't because 141 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,114 you've got the... 142 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,484 Well, sir, you're busy for the next seven years. 143 00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:17,718 Yeah, well, see there? 144 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,753 Damn. My hands are tied. 145 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,455 Mr. Mayor, it's your wife, sir. 146 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:22,456 (MUMBLES) 147 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,124 Her charity function was canceled. 148 00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:25,959 She wants to know if you can meet for dinner. 149 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,896 Ah, well, tell her I've already committed 150 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:29,997 to making an appearance 151 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,999 at Paul's fan club meeting tonight. 152 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,834 If only she had caught me earlier. 153 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,936 It's all about timing, sir. Ooh. 154 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,104 Mike, why do I have to work 155 00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,672 on this midnight basketball initiative? 156 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:39,773 This is minority affairs. 157 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,274 That's Carter's job, not mine. 158 00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,777 You've been out in the city lately? You are the minority. 159 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,147 I'm talking here. 160 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,550 Mike, I'd be happy to do this alone. Very happy. 161 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,652 Listen up, Bert, Ernie... 162 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,659 I want this presentation first thing tomorrow morning. 163 00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:00,127 (SIGHS) 164 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,429 Hey, Mike. Hey. 165 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,830 Guess who I ran into this morning. 166 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,698 Do you remember Joe Reed? 167 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,333 Lived in your freshman dorm? 168 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,168 Huge head, size of a pumpkin? 169 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,338 Oh, Joe, yeah. Joe. Joe. 170 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,474 He could barely walk upright. 171 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:14,675 What's he doing now? 172 00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:16,143 Couldn't tell you. The whole time he was talking, 173 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,511 I just kept thinking, 174 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:20,948 "My God, will you look at the size of this guy's melon?" 175 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,250 The guy was cranially challenged. 176 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,453 Let's not get vicious. Oh, really? 177 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,821 Now, what was it you called Joe in college? 178 00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,557 Frankenhead. 179 00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,358 Oh, listen, if you want to talk about that police thing, 180 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,826 I got ten minutes right now. 181 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,828 Oh, I can't. I'm on my way to court. What about this afternoon? 182 00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,329 City council. 183 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,231 Well, we really should take care of this pretty soon. 184 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,767 Besides, I want to catch up on what everybody's doing. 185 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,869 Remember Betsy Holden? 186 00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:44,137 "Two drinks and I'm yours"? 187 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,806 She was my best friend. 188 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,009 I knew that. 189 00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,277 I'm kidding. 190 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,145 I knew that. (CHUCKLES) 191 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,547 Listen, I'm free tonight. 192 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,049 We could grab dinner and take care of all this stuff. 193 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,486 Uh, guys, don't we have a lot of work tonight? 194 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,187 No. No. Nothing, nothing. No. No. 195 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,089 Nothing that can't wait. You can go. 196 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,491 Yeah, okay. Why not? 197 00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:04,492 8:00? 198 00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:05,959 Actually, 7:00's better for him. 199 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,495 I'll make the reservations. 200 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,967 Excuse me. Oh, hi. 201 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,268 I'm Claudia Sacks, 202 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,605 president of the Paul Lassiter Fan Club. 203 00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:19,840 Yes, I know. You do wonderful work, Ms. Sacks. 204 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:20,941 Oh, it's Claudia. 205 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,009 Claudia, yes. 206 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,978 Oh. Well, this is the room. 207 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,514 It's a banquet room. 208 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,082 Actually it's a conference room. 209 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,418 Conference slash banquet. 210 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,354 Oh, and here's your name tag. 211 00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,790 Ooh. (LAUGHS) 212 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,660 And, um... These are your pictures. 213 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,295 Here's a sharpie, in case you want to sign autographs. 214 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,164 Thank you. This is our newsletter. 215 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,934 Lassiter Fun Facts in four different colors. 216 00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,336 "Paul won the bronze medal for public speaking 217 00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,572 "when he was at St. Mary's Elementary School." 218 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:54,407 It was a silver medal, actually. Oh. 219 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,109 Well, I'll correct that. 220 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,712 Let it go. Let it go. That's fine. 221 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,548 So. I, uh... 222 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,950 (CLICKS TONGUE) I guess I'm early, huh? 223 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:06,386 Actually, um... No. 224 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:08,656 No? 225 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,891 God, I just feel horrible. 226 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,927 I mean, you really do have so many fans out there. 227 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:17,264 I know. I talk to them on the Internet. 228 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:18,431 This is it? We have such 229 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:20,400 a good time talking about you. 230 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:23,771 You know, the way you say, "Next question, please." 231 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:27,274 That look you give reporters when you're upset with them... 232 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,642 Like now. 233 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,011 Oh, Mr. Lassiter, 234 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,313 the last thing I wanted to do 235 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,315 was embarrass you. 236 00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:37,184 I'm not embarrassed. 237 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,452 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! 238 00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,092 Hmm. 239 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,728 Well, at least there's no line at the bar. 240 00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,364 Guys, this is our first night off in forever. 241 00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,600 Why do we have to sit around 242 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,002 and you drink like a bunch of college boys? 243 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:56,637 Why can't we just talk? 244 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,472 So, what's new? 245 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,675 Ta-da! 246 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,511 Ah. I call it the Stuart Surprise. 247 00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:06,614 What's in it? No idea. If I knew, 248 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,249 I'd call it the Stuart I Know What's In It. 249 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:12,886 I'm in. (CLEARS THROAT) Well, do you shoot it, or what? 250 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,221 Again, no idea. 251 00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,628 (BOTH GAGGING) 252 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,029 Here. Wash it down with these. 253 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,731 Wash it down with these. 254 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,535 (BOTH GAGGING) 255 00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,503 It's delicious. 256 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,272 (BOTH COUGHING) 257 00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:34,975 (RASPING) Smooth. 258 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,911 I'm going to the bathroom. 259 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,179 (STUART LAUGHING) 260 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,851 That guy can't hold his liquor. 261 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,858 ...from the outside, he sets, he shoots, he pumps... 262 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:54,294 Nothing but trash. My house, huh? Huh? 263 00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:57,665 Yeah, I never get tired of that game. 264 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,801 (KNOCK ON DOOR) Oh, so now you wanna 265 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,402 play a little one-on-one. 266 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:03,937 Maybe after dinner. 267 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,940 I'm sorry. I thought you were the cleaning lady. 268 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,942 Oh. You two play a lot of basketball, do you? 269 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:12,612 Not so much since she blew her knee out. 270 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,514 Gimme a couple of seconds, here. I'll be ready to go. 271 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,583 All right. You know, 272 00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:19,586 this is exactly how I pictured your office. 273 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,588 Really? With the, uh, walls 274 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,957 and the door and everything? 275 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:27,160 (LAUGHING) 276 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:30,030 What the hell was that? That wasn't even funny. 277 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,302 Listen to me. 278 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,304 I sound like I'm 16 again. 279 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,106 This feels really familiar. 280 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:42,109 She's nervous. There's this weird kinda tension. 281 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,812 Your hands are sweating. Why are your hands sweating? 282 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,282 Oh, my God. This is a date. 283 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,751 Red alert. Red alert. 284 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,287 Uh, you know what, it's a little chilly in here. 285 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,589 Why don't you put that back on? 286 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:57,657 Everybody out of the building. 287 00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:58,892 This is not a drill. 288 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,293 Oh, are you ready to go? 289 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,396 You know, I can't, because I got this big work thing. 290 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,032 You know, the safety of the city 291 00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:06,767 basically depends on it, so... 292 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,469 Don't touch her. Your hands are slimy. 293 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,572 Oh. Well, we still have to talk about that police indictment. 294 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,274 And we should talk about that, and we will. 295 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:15,542 Tell you what, I'll call you. 296 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,410 No, I'll write... I'll fax you, all right? 297 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,746 I'll send a carrier pigeon. 298 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,981 See ya. Yeah, okay. All right. 299 00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:26,119 That was nicely handled. Very smooth. 300 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,327 Oh. 301 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,271 (CHUCKLES) 302 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,048 (SMALL VOICE) Oh, no. 303 00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,618 (NORMAL VOICE) Oh, God! (YELPS) 304 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,353 Oh, my God! 305 00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:02,255 Oh! 306 00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:05,826 Well, I just wanna say again 307 00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,361 how truly sorry I am about last night. 308 00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,297 Yeah, well, I hope you didn't bring the whole fan club here, 309 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,200 you know, 'cause we don't wanna create a fire hazard. 310 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,503 How did the big party go? 311 00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:17,838 (STAMMERS) 312 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,573 Oh, come on. Spill it, Paul. I bet they made up T-shirts. 313 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:21,641 You know, I would like 314 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:24,477 to put Paul Lassiter on my chest. 315 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,881 Yes, I said chest. You're like a horny little chimp. 316 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,184 Well, to be honest with you, 317 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,153 the whole fan club thing, it was just... 318 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,822 Only about the most fun I've ever had. 319 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,424 Morning, people. Really, it was delightful. 320 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:41,061 I only wish that my supporters were as loyal as yours. 321 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,597 Well, good morning, Ms. President. Mr. Mayor. 322 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:47,534 Don't forget to tell me about that next meeting, huh? 323 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:48,601 PAUL: Mr. Mayor? Yeah. 324 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,303 Mr. Mayor. Mr. Mayor. Yeah. 325 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,404 (GRUNTS) 326 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,844 Not a real hugger, Paul. 327 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,646 Don't take away my incentive to make these little gestures. 328 00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:06,019 Are you sure you don't remember what happened? 329 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,756 Sorry, Stuart. It's all a blur. 330 00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:15,128 There might have been dancing. 331 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,566 Well, look who decided to show up. 332 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,334 It's America's favorite couple. 333 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:23,503 I don't want to hear any of your excuses, okay? 334 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,873 Your tardiness has put us way behind schedule, 335 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,507 so why don't you two cozy up? 336 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,277 'Cause you're gonna be spendin' the night together. 337 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,580 It'd be the first time. 338 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,086 Okay. Let's get rolling, 339 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:40,888 'cause we got a lot of work to do. 340 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,155 (CLEARS THROAT) Mike, we didn't mind 341 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,523 spending time with you when Ashley left, 342 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,158 and we know you're hurting, 343 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,527 so, we understand why you're burying yourself in your work, 344 00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,496 but enough is enough. 345 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,034 We're worried about you, Mike. 346 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,668 I'm healing. I'll be fine. 347 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:56,937 No. No, no, no. 348 00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,407 Uh, we're worried about what we're gonna to do you 349 00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:04,111 if you keep us here another night. 350 00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:07,514 Sorry I had to get rough with you, man. 351 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,953 Mike... I was supposed 352 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,288 to go have drinks with some people tonight. 353 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,689 Danielle's gonna be there. 354 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,259 I thought maybe you'd... No, no, no, no. I can't. 355 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,395 No, because Danielle thinks I'm in play, 356 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,264 and I can't even get out of the locker room. 357 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,667 She's an offensive machine. She can score at will. 358 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,438 It's baby steps, Mike. 359 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,273 It's time. 360 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,375 (SCOFFS) All right. Okay. 361 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,010 All right. I'll go. I'll go. 362 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,845 You guys all take the night off. 363 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,147 BOTH: Whoo! JAMES: Yeah. 364 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,648 Whoo-hoo. Except you two. 365 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:42,950 I gotta make that 366 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,384 proposal in the morning, so why don't you two 367 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,953 go find a room and don't come out 368 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:49,322 until you figure out a way to make balls bounce at midnight. 369 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,033 So, the last time I saw you in college, 370 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,601 you had your shirt off, 371 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,537 you were drinking beer out of one of those ridiculous hats, 372 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:08,175 and you were screaming, "I rule," over and over. 373 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,610 Yeah. 374 00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,745 How did you ever become the deputy mayor? 375 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,848 Well, I did the exact same thing during my interview. 376 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,287 Oh, I'm sorry. You want more peanuts? 377 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,821 Mike, we've already had four bowls. 378 00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,024 See, this is part of my overall apology strategy. 379 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:27,194 I, you know, say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, 380 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:28,861 until you find it really annoying. 381 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,497 It was a little much. 382 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,032 I'm sorry, 383 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,633 and then, you know, 384 00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,769 that's followed by endless bowls of peanuts until you forgive me. 385 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,138 I forgive you. 386 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,540 All right. Then my work here is done. Hold the nuts. 387 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:42,875 Well, this is it. 388 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,844 Chairs. Podium. Painting. 389 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,014 Everything you see on TV except for the cameras, 390 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,081 which you wouldn't see 391 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,149 because they're... They're the ones 392 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,717 filming it. (CHUCKLES) Wow. 393 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,020 How cool is this? 394 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,621 Yeah. So impressive. 395 00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:58,391 Paul, can you stand behind the podium... 396 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,061 For me? 397 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:09,902 You happy? 398 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:12,939 I know what you're trying to do. 399 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:15,308 Yes, ma'am. 400 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,609 When Mr. Mayor took office, 401 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:19,812 he promised to take care of the pothole problem, 402 00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,649 yet it seems to have gotten worse. 403 00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,552 Well, appearances can be deceiving. 404 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,655 You see, because this administration has discovered 405 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,358 that potholes are a way of combating 406 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,926 another scourge of our city, 407 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,662 drag racing. 408 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,799 So, one has to ask themself, 409 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:40,933 are potholes a problem, 410 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,670 or do they save lives? 411 00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,475 Oh, that was brilliant. 412 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,712 Yes, ma'am? You in the front? 413 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,547 Mr. Lassiter, 414 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,785 would you kiss me? 415 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,588 Well, I see... I don't think we're prepared to answer... 416 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,761 They'll be no further questions. 417 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:14,367 Is... Is part of your apology plan 418 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,169 to get me really, really drunk? 419 00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:18,738 No, no, these are for Nikki and her friends. 420 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,473 Where did they go, anyway? 421 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,442 I don't know. I thought they were at the bar. 422 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,710 Wait a minute. Did I hear them 423 00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,412 say something about going to a club? 424 00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:26,946 Oh. Yeah. You wanna go find 'em? 425 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,849 No, no. I'm not a club kinda guy. 426 00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,184 If I wanna shout in someone's ear, 427 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,153 I'll go visit my grandma. 428 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,557 Are you all right that we're alone? 429 00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:38,691 You're not about to have a crisis 430 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,127 at the office, are you? 431 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:43,196 Well, I can't very well do it now that you said that. 432 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:46,999 I am just saying that if you wanna call it a night, we can. 433 00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:49,001 No. Hey, come on, look... 434 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,002 I can handle this. 435 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,872 I mean, after all, we are two grown-up, 436 00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:55,242 professional people who just happen to be 437 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:58,044 of the opposite...sex. 438 00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,412 I'll tell you what. 439 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,681 We will take all of the danger out of the situation 440 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,983 by behaving exactly the opposite of how we would 441 00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:05,652 if this was a date. 442 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,487 I... I don't follow you. 443 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,156 How much money do you make? 444 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,459 Oh, I get it. I see. 445 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,362 I am unbelievably shallow. 446 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,299 I'm lookin' to have kids... 447 00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,634 Soon. 448 00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:25,305 I have never 449 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,207 satisfied a woman in bed, 450 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,844 and I have no problem with that. 451 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,214 Are you ready to order? 452 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,516 Yes. I'll have the lobster. WAITRESS: Lobster. 453 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,784 Should I really do this? 454 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,886 Oh, definitely. Why not? 455 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,288 You're payin' for it. 456 00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,358 You don't remember anything? 457 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,526 Look... 458 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:49,196 Even if anything did go on, 459 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:52,399 I'm certainly not gonna go shootin' my mouth off about it. 460 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,000 I got a rep to protect. 461 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,069 And you, to be perfectly honest, 462 00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,938 don't make much of a trophy, okay? 463 00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,946 So, you're ashamed of me? 464 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,616 Nothing happened, okay? 465 00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:11,751 We were drunk. You couldn't find your apartment keys, 466 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,221 so I let you crash at my place. 467 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,488 Why didn't you tell me? 468 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:16,723 I wanted to teach you a lesson. 469 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,391 When you look at me, all you see is a gay person. 470 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,993 I'm just a guy, Stuart, I'm a friend of yours. 471 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,262 I know that. 472 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,396 Oh, really? Well, if Paul had taken you home, 473 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,564 would you have worried then? 474 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,098 No. But he's not gay. Stuart! 475 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:27,300 Just because I'm gay, it doesn't mean 476 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,968 I sleep with every man I get a chance to. 477 00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,437 Look at you. You're straight. 478 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,572 Do you sleep with every woman you get a change to? 479 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,106 Yes! 480 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:41,414 Woman? 481 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,782 Man. 482 00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,152 Nice ass. 483 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,522 You know, for a guy. (CHUCKLES) 484 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:50,690 It's changes like that 485 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,124 that make me love this city. 486 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,894 They make me really fear blind dates. 487 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:58,265 Well, this is where I get off. 488 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,403 And then things got awkward. 489 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:04,637 Yeah, yeah. 490 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,839 Well, usually when an evening goes this well, 491 00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:10,677 this is the point where the guy... 492 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,912 Or the girl. 493 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,148 I can't do this. 494 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,787 I just ended a long relationship, 495 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,256 and I'm still at home reading old letters. 496 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,359 But you know what? 497 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:28,395 She dumped me. 498 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,730 I mean, I should be able to move on. 499 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:33,833 I'm a grown man. I can do this. 500 00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,937 I can't do this. 501 00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:39,839 Take your time. Figure it out. 502 00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,842 I don't have to be at work for a few hours yet. 503 00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,143 Why should I be uncomfortable? 504 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,879 I mean, I had a fantastic evening. 505 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,649 You are beautiful. 506 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,518 I really love being with you. 507 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,020 I can do this. Mike, I don't know. 508 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,888 Pucker up. All right. 509 00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:58,090 But I'm not closing my eyes. 510 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,328 I can't do this. 511 00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:03,029 I am so shocked. 512 00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:04,897 Oh. I just... It wouldn't be fair to you, 513 00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:08,000 because I would be thinking about somebody else. 514 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,036 I understand. 515 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,138 Timing, huh? 516 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,473 Yeah. 517 00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:15,608 What was her name? 518 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:17,344 Ashley. 519 00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,346 Mmm. Pretty name. 520 00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:21,548 Yeah. 521 00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:26,085 Well, good night, Mike. 522 00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:26,953 Yeah. 523 00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:28,355 I had a really great time. 524 00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:29,989 Yeah, me, too. 525 00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:31,691 But this is the right thing. 526 00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:39,566 Oh, my God. I want her. 527 00:21:40,767 --> 00:21:42,502 Shut up. 528 00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:45,237 Sorry. I'm hungry. 529 00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,209 NIKKI: That's it? 530 00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:52,679 Yeah. I didn't even kiss her. 531 00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:55,515 Nothing. Why? 532 00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,384 Because you're a wuss. 533 00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,922 Apparently, I'm deep. 534 00:22:03,022 --> 00:22:04,223 That doesn't sound right. 535 00:22:04,391 --> 00:22:05,592 You're not deep, Mike. 536 00:22:05,692 --> 00:22:07,159 Well, it's late. 537 00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:08,661 Anyone ready to go to bed? 538 00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:11,398 She wants you.